In April there were several appointments and doctor's phone calls, but my mom's surgery had been scheduled. After learning the size of the tumors on both sides, lots of praying, researching, and seeking advice, my mom decided that a double-mastectemy would be the route that would give them the most peace moving forward.
In the meantime, our hearts were seeking hard after God, delving into scripture, wanting more than anything His ultimate plan, and peace. Each Sunday, I would go to church, eager to hear the message and it NEVER failed... each message was spoken into the deepest part of my heart, the part that was hurting yet hungry for Truth to handle the fears and challenges ahead. I was moved to tears each week in my seat feeling the incredible love of God and the Holy Spirit nudging my heart closer to Him. To this day, every worship song I lift to the Lord is deeper, more heart felt, and more sincere as I lift my words to the Almighty, the One that holds our hearts with so much gentleness, regardless of how harsh our circumstances. We were amazed each week at God's timing, how He saw it fit to speak right into our souls when we were seeking Him the hardest. The reward of desperately seeking Him out and feeling His faithfulness and goodness despite the circumstances is something that will be with me forever.
The first verse that my daughter, Sienna, learned and recited in her sweet 2 year old voice was, "The Lord your God is with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:9. My mom said that God gave her that verse, she heard it repeated over and over in that 2-year-old angelic voice, filling her with peace as she was laying completely still for the MRI. The reminder of simple, child-like faith amidst the storm.
But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”
Photo by Sue Smith
Not only was the church sermon series during these weeks spot-on and spoken straight to our souls, but our church had a healing service one Sunday evening. Ironic? Coincidence? Divine appointment? I choose to believe the latter. My parents and I went praying for healing that night. After the message that night, any wanting physical healing could come to the front. We prayed over my mom as she was anointed with oil. Just the beginning of the healing that would take place. Through all of this, I was in awe at my mom's prayer. It was simple. But so hard. She wanted to grow through this and learn the lessons that she could learn through this trial. She commented on several occasions that if just one person would grow closer to God through this ordeal, the whole thing was worth it. That is admirable. Unfortunately her surgery date was right in the middle of the already-scheduled get-away to Tennessee that Justin, the kids, and I had planned to take with some friends of ours. After discussing it with my parents, I decided it would be okay for me to go and spend some time away with family as this opportunity rarely presents itself. I'm a homebody. I'm a creature of habit. I like my bed and my routine... so leaving was not easy for this stick-in-the-mud.
In all honesty, I was a complete emotional mess being away during this. Looking back I could probably say cried a good half of the 4-5 days were were away. The phone was just an extension of my body as I was communicating back home and with my closest friends through it all. I am so amazed at the friends that God brought alongside me through this. These friendships that were strengthened as I depended on them as my prayer warriors, reminding me that God will provide the strength to move forward, and just listening and I blubbered about all my fears and validating them. Friends that I found myself absolutely leaning on for Promises from our Savior.
One thing that will never leave me was the number of people that committed to praying for my mom. People that I was acquainted with in high school however lost contact with, but still sent messages of encouragement and prayers. I had NO doubt zero. zilch. nada. that my mom was being covered from head to toe in prayer. Prayers that healed her from the inside out...not only the cancer, but our hearts. We are eternally grateful for the prayers, cards, Hacienda chips & salsa (what a genius little pick-me up!) that were given so generously.
Throughout these months, my sisters and brother and I had really been working on the discipline of fasting on my mom and dad's behalf. Using these times of fasting to remember to pray hard in desperation for healing... physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The morning of the surgery I woke up for an early run, to clear my mind and pray for the surgery that was taking place. On my run, I get a text message that brought me tears... time and time again, that was forwarded to me from a family friend and prayer warrior, Erin. That morning, during the time of my mom's surgery, she was praying for my mom while driving her son to school. I read and reread and reread that text message. I smiled and cried over the words painted on my screen.
They read something like this:
"God gave me a vision today while praying. It was one so vivid that I knew exactly what God was showing me. I saw your mom laying on the operating table with a blue sheet that went straight up to the ceiling. There were doctors all around working on her. And Jesus was sitting with her up by her head. He was holding her head, brushing the bangs off of her forehead and whispering to her as if it were just the two of them in the room. He was telling her it was going to be alright."There has been very few things, if anything, that has given me more peace in a single moment. The idea that God loves us SO incredibly much that He gave that vision to be passed along as comfort to us in that very moment was one of the most meaningful and humbling things I've experienced. In that, I grasped a vivid picture of God's huge love for His children. The God that created the world and everything in it cares so deeply for each one of us. He feels our hurts, He knows our fears and the depth of His love for us is unmatched.
Photo by Sue Smith
{More to come on the outcome of surgery and treatments} Thanks for being patient as it takes me weeks to get my thoughts/memories into words
